On joining IIT..

I awoke that morning in a tiny but tidy room, to the scent of the rain-washed Earth and a strange tingling in my tummy. As the first waves of consciousness swept over me, I became vaguely aware that I was on the brink of something momentous - that the day had come to give shape and form to the dream of a lifetime, to breathe life into my longing and give dimension to my desire, and to transform my phantom fantasy into a tactile reality for all the world to see.

As I slipped seamlessly from dream world to reality, I opened my eyes to stare up at the ceiling of a hostel room inside IIT Kanpur. It was the day of my interview.

* * *

Heat from the rain-intoxicated Earth rose up and enveloped me like the breath of an alcoholic who is too far gone to care. All around me, students cycled past with the measured, patient tread of those whose cycling days are far from over. I looked at it all through a stranger’s eyes at that time, through the eyes of a worshipper who has been allowed to step across the threshold and into the presence of his sacrosanct deity – part fear and part awe, and a third part wondering whether they deserved to be here at all.

* * *

It has now been over a month since I moved into IITK. IIT. Indian Institute of Technology. Now, I might be in the minority here, but I’m still waiting for that to completely sink in. Waiting to feel, with every pore of my body, that “I am an IITian” – the four words that every Indian youth wishes to say, every Indian youth’s parents wish to hear, and every Indian coaching class wishes to mint money out of.

I felt the first stirrings of that sense of pride during the Asst. Director’s address, when he said “You will all remember July 23^rd 2008 as the most important day in your lives, for it is the day of your true birth, and the day from which you will take on a new religion – IIT.” But as he moved on to other things, the blood that had begun to boil in my veins cooled back down, and I was left pondering the question – Is it possible for one to translate seamlessly from the awe and sense of sanctity of the IITs that is so deeply ingrained in us, to actually accepting oneself as a part of the very ideal that we have aspired to for all these years?

When, I asked myself, does the feeling really sink in that one is an IITian? Does it sink in at the rate of 5% every time one cycles past the main gate that says ‘INDIAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY KANPUR’? Or does it sink in @ 100% when we hear that Abdul Kalam has personally sent us a letter expressing his hopes and aspirations for us, along with a nine-point oath? Does the feeling of being in a parallel universe really get to us when we cycle through the immaculately clean roads, even at the most ungodly hours feeling as perfectly safe as a baby would in its mother’s arms? Or is it when we see two signs: “Do not spit” and “Liquid Nitrogen Plant: No Admission” nestling next to each other?

Because there’s no denying that being an IITian means something to each one of us. It might be the only voice of hope inside your head whenever you feel that all else is lost – the voice that says “Hey, big fella! You got here, didn’t you? You can handle this, surely!” It may be the greatest triumph of your life, or the starting point of a historic first conversation (been there, haven’t ya? good for you! if not, don’t fret, there’s still plenty of time), or it could be the stepping stone to an illustrious path that your footprints will be the first to tread.

And so when do we know that we have been marked permanently by this institution, and that we won’t just wake up one day and find it all gone? Is it when we get out own login id: @iitk.ac.in? Is it when our notebooks are marked ‘Specially made for the students of Indian Institute of Technology Kanpur’? Is it when we buy our first IITK t-shirt? After our first exam?

I fulfilled each of these rites of passage one by one – some joyously, others dutifully, and yet others with a great amount of trepidation - but still, I did not encounter the one clear moment where the import of what I had achieved would suddenly, fully and cleanly come home to me.

And it was when I was pondering these things that it suddenly hit me – it never would come home to me. I mean, it might probably sink into me at some point that I was here to stay, but that would never be the end – I would never cross my legs, dust my hands and say “Ok. That’s it. I am done.” For getting here is like unlocking a locked door which has been tempting you with its secrets – unlocking it to discover that behind lies a series of many more locked doors, each more seductive, mysterious and tantalizing that the last.

“The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives”, said one of the greatest human beings of our time, (though he’s best remembered for being a kickass scientist) Albert Einstein - and so it is, for I will still continue to marvel at the knowledge of my professors, be mesmerized by the student who is always one thought ahead of me, and clap my hands in glee (well, mentally at least) whenever I hear or read of a cool new concept.

What the IITs had embodied to me when I was aiming to reach them, was knowledge, perfection, and truth, and those things are like the proverbial sweet-smelling fruits of Tantalus, dangling just out of reach, leading us on endlessly, teasing us and driving us mercilessly to new heights.

Is it worth chasing these unattainable things, then? But of course it is, it always is - for success, like life itself, is not a destination, but a journey – like following a lush, unexplored uphill path, filled with the sweet scent of pine and the sounds of woodland creatures, and then being confronted by a breathtaking vista when you get to the top – a vista of a whole new world laid out in front of you – new roads, new sights and sounds that you had never even dreamed possible, and of course new hills.

And this, dear friends – this, where we are now - is but the first, or one of the first, of our steps on the journey. Where does it lead? Does that matter, when the road is so endlessly enticing?

The Beginning…