Aaaaaaaaaaargh (Contd.)

As every one who has ever attempted to write humour knows, embellishment (or Imagineering, as a friend calls it) is an integral part of spinning funny tales. As the old adage goes "Don't let the facts get in the way of a good story!"

However, this blog post literally wrote itself. I've barely touched the original sentences, except, in some cases, to actually make them more readable (sad but true..)

Say hello to some of my prospective suitors..
(What follows are excerpts from some e-profiles that I've received, with my devilishly funny comments on the same in bracketed italics.. Enjoy!)

Hi I don’t know how to express about my self its quite difficult task.
I am a little bit shay talk about my self. Down to earth grate respect to elders well motivated and carrier (tiffin-carrier??) minded. God fairing person simply I am looking for a girl with same things (bizzare, that) . I brought up in several countries (you don't say?) with a grate Hindu, Tamil, Brahmin background.
I think I am bit soft person that others say.
Good Luck for your surch
(It grates, to say the least..)

We are of orthodox and somewhat moderate also.
(And very vague also?)

I am the highest GENIUS.
(No, its not Hawking. I checked.)

SEND FAMILY AND PERSONAL DETAILS WITH RECENT PHOTO TO ....
(You leave my family outta this, hear?)

I AM VERY SHORT TEMPERED.
(Tellin' it like it is!)

IN MY HOUSE A SWEET PET ANIMAL CAT IS THERE (NAME IS PUSSY PUTTA).....
(I decline to comment)

LOOKING FOR A LIFE PARTNER WHO SHARE MY SADNESS & HER HAPPINESS THROUGHOUT OUR LIFETIME...
(A scary new dimension to equal-sharing in relationships)

I am considering working in a Shipping company from last 5 years.
(Phew! Almost missed that!)

(WARNING: Greek Mythology-like stuff ahead!)

my family four members. my self my sister married. (Don't even ask!)
and father and mother are loving. (er...ok)
i am working wipro bho soulation (trying to blur the name of the company for security reasons?)
at present i am working in night sifits only who have interested and havingfath on me running good family life can conduct us. (and if i conducted you part-time, would that make me a semi-conductor?? sorry, couldn't resist.. ;)
i am not going to be all ways night sifit i am trying day sifit also. (day AND night??? come on!)
sometime my life partner should understand and live with us. (so, part time it is! yay!)

i am intrested to give life for poor family.
(Suicide case?)

MY YOUNGER FATHER IS A MANAGER..
(I hope, sincerely, that he means his Chittappa..)

MY SISTER GOT MARRIED 5YEARS BEFORE SHE WAS BORN IN ENGLAND.
(Due to the different time-zones? Probably just due to a full-stop)

i work as lecturer my mother is an house wife. My father was an retired teacher
(One of those 'Education-ruined-me' types. I hope.)

Seeking for a Girl from good family willing to work.
(An entire family in one fell swoop! Talk about value for money!)

Now i am Alone. I have one Elder brother. Now only he married.
(I actually feel a little sad for him.)

I am Jovial typed person.
(Not a stereo-typed description, this one!)

I want bride straight forwarded.
(Looking for a female or an email?)

My bride should takeing care of my parents as his own parents.
(Looking for a male??)

I am a person of liking modern thoughts in mind and following traditional values.
(So, in a word, two-timer?)

I'm from Chennai, when we meet that time i explain about myself.
(Nice try!)

I am an active.
(As in Grammar? Chemistry? Electronics? Engine Oil?)

My Golden words:
Plan Purposefully,
Prepare Prayerfully,
Proceed Positively,
Pursue Persistently.
(There were seven more such paragraphs of solid gold. I deleted them all. You're welcome.)
I like COMEDY very much. By sensitive humor sense, i can understand everybody's thoughts. I am not telling the heroism, just telling the character. AT THE SAME TIME, I WANT TO BE A SIMPLE AND POWERFUL PERSON IN OUR SOCIETY.By GOD'S GRACE, definitely it will become true.That's all. Please don't add EXTRA fittings while thinking about me, if any.
(modesty personified, aye?)
About My family ( including you):
Meaning of LOVE
With Affectionately,
(Name Withheld. For obvious reasons. And so are the comments. For i couldn't find any printable ones.)

My name is (withheld), Looking for a match which will match all the criterias form both the sides and looking for a great feedback.
(Definitely an engineer. No one else can spin a yarn like that.)

I AM RESPECT AND ATTACH MY RELATIVES.
(Thank you. I shall download them as soon as I receive them.)

i am serving in city union bank responsible for cash operations
(Say no more. I do.)

PS: In exchange for my blood, sweat, tears and other body fluids, all I ask for is your comments..